A very important lesson: How not to make soup

Trying out recipes is like a continual game of Russian Roulette – addictive, exciting, and at times, dangerous.

One of the most versatile and fulfilling recipes is for soup – which can be as easy, decadent or fancy as you please.

But it occured to me the other night, as I stirred a pan of what can only be described as vomit’s younger brother, that sometimes experimentation with food can go horribly wrong.

I wanted to hide my shame, throw the soup in the bin and pretend it never happened, which is, well, what I did.

But then I thought, there is a very valuable lesson to be learnt here, more precious than any recipe or cooking guide.

Deceivingly disgusting....

This, my friends, is How Not To Make Soup…(unfortunately, based on a true life story)

  1. Do not just chuck in any old vegetables that you “think” will taste “OK” together because you’re running out of food and money. It’s just a waste of perfectly good vegetables if it doesn’t go well.
  2. Do not add extra stock cubes because you don’t like the taste of swede. Just don’t put suede in.
  3. Do not chuck half a tub of salt into the soup without first tasting the mixture, expecially if you have already added an extra stock cube. Your soup will taste like sea-water.
  4. Do not just chuck flour into the almost ready-made soup because you want it to be thicker. And then, when it congeals and cooks in dumpling-like lumps, do not try and tell your housemate that it is cauliflower…
  5. Do not try to mask the overly-salty and bad-tasting soup with curry powder if you do not like spicy food. Spicy Salty Broth is not delicious, it’s devastating.
  6. Do not attempt to start making soupif you don’t have a blender. Unless, of course, you like lumpy soup, in which case go for it!
  7. Do not then try to blend the soup into something palatable with a potato masher.
  8. Do not then freeze the soup claiming “I’ll eat it later”. You know you won’t, just give up now.

I hope, my friends, that this advice will become a staple in your life, and provide a turning point in the lives of gluten-free soup makers everywhere. For soup that does work, you can of course, try here, here or here.

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