It’s not easy being gluten free. Yes, gluten free food is readily available in the free from aisle and there’s never been so much knowledge about coeliac disease. But there are some struggles that only people with coeliac disease will understand. Let me sum them up with the help of my favourite ever internet invention – the humble GIF.
Everything is half the size…
Er, where is the rest of my loaf of bread? And why is my gluten free pizza half the size of everyone elses?
…and twice the price!
Please, just take my money. It’s not like I need it, I’ll just eat potatoes for the rest of my life. Problem solved.
Don’t get me started on paying more for gluten free in restaurants
An extra charge for a burger bun that’s half the size and falls apart in my hands. Oh lovely, shall I just write a blank cheque or do you want my PIN code instead?
You’re either going to miss out at office parties…
At least the wine is gluten free!
…or get really fat because everyone brings in a pack of cakes just for you
I mean, this isn’t the worst thing in the world. Is it? I’ll just wear elasticated trousers all the time.
You get way too defensive about food
Why would you even touch my chips with your filthy gluten hands!? You could eat anything and you want mine? NO THANK YOU.
You panic when you have to leave the house over a mealtime and don’t have a contingency plan
But what if I can’t eat? What if there’s no gluten free bread? WHAT IF I CAN’T EVEN FIND A GLUTEN FREE BROWNIE!?
You keep snacks everywhere
And I mean everywhere. Handbag? Snack. Desk drawer? Snack. Glove box? Snack. Coat pockets? Snack. You get the idea…
You get irrationally hangry
I haven’t eaten in one hour and there’s no gluten free food in sight which is making me very hungry. And irritated.
You get way too excited when you find new gluten free products and end up dancing around the supermarket aisles
Surely it can’t be just me who does this? It’s just too exciting!
When you see someone else in the free from aisle you feel an overwhelming urge to hug them…
Would that be inappropriate? I mean, I just want to make new gluten free friends – someone who UNDERSTANDS!
… but instead you just give them the knowing look and nod
When you know, you know. Although I do think Coeliac UK should invest in developing a secret handshake.
If one more person jokes about you being a ‘celeriac’ you might crack
Seriously, like I haven’t heard that one before. Yes, it’s a vegetable and it sounds like coeliac. My God it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
You get irrationally annoyed when people try and feed you things like barley and then claim ‘but it’s wheat free?’
No I can’t eat wheat. No wheat free doesn’t mean gluten free. Oh, I give up.
You’re absolutely sick to death of gluten free brownies
Coffee shops seem to think this is the only cake that can be made gluten free. Sometimes even the only food item too.
You’re also sick of the gluten free lifestylers…
Oh, you don’t feel like being gluten free tonight? That’s nice. At least you won’t spend the next three days on the toilet and risk life-long health complications if you eat that bread roll.
…and the claims of gluten free health benefits
Have you SEEN how much crap they but in some of these free from foods to make them edible? Good luck losing weight on that.
You have to grit your teeth when people ask what happens when you eat gluten
Do we really need to discuss toilet habits at the dinner table? What happens if you eat chicken that’s three weeks past it’s use-by date? No, don’t wanna answer that, do you.
But the online gluten free community is THE BEST
Yea, real life people might be annoying, but the online support you’ll get through blogs and social networks is something else. You guys are the best.
Are there any quirks about being a coeliac you could add to this list? Comment below with your coeliac disease jokes and irks!